Toys for scotts...

I have a confession to make...

I am 31 years old, and I like toys.

OK, I said it... so tell me... why is this bad? I don’t understand what makes this wrong. At what age are we suddenly supposed to become “adults” and stop playing with toys? Is there really a cut-off point? ...because I’m not sure there is... In fact, I have a strong suspicion that there are more than a few men out there who are simply embarrassed about their love of toys and consequently wind up having children solely for the purpose of securing plausible deniability for future purchases (ok, it’s a stretch, but there are also people that have “strong suspicions” that Elvis is still alive, so work with me here). So why do we ever have to stop loving toys? They amuse me, and as long as they continue to amuse me I’m going to keep them around... But for some reason, people (at least some people) find this strange... odd... inappropriate... and therefore, wrong.

And that, I just don’t get.

As I look around my office (where theoretically I guess I should be doing some actual work instead of writing this) I see lots of toys... kids’ toys, geek toys, random toys... all fulfilling some minor role in keeping me more entertained than bored, more joyful than sad, and (in all honesty) more distracted than productive. Currently I am surrounded by (among other things) an etch-a-sketch, a pen that shoots Nerf darts, a pull-back and rev mini cooper, an itsy, bitsy, teeny, tiny gong (with accompanying itsy, bitsy, teeny, tiny gong mallet), and a dude with a black eye and boxing gloves that sits on a spring attached to a suction cup (so you can whallop the bejesus out of him), that gives me way too much satisfaction on bad days (he he... some days I shoots him with my Nerf pen). I also have more geeky-type toys, like my “binary clock,” a wonderfully absurd invention that tells time using only LEDs. That, in particular, is a good litmus test for people’s sensibilities. If right now, you have to ask “why” I would own such item, “why” I would even want a clock that still takes me (after a year of ownership) about 4-7 seconds to determine what the time actually IS... well then you’ll never really understand... it’s just cool... The bottom line is, I don’t want to grow up... I’m a toys r us kid... or at least I would be a toys r us kid if they actually even really sold toys anymore… no, now, if you want diapers, sleepers, strollers, or random baby type things you go to toys r us… if you want toys, you have to go to someplace like wal-mart (which incidentally also sells diapers, sleepers, strollers and random baby type things… usually for less). But that’s beside the point, the real question is why are toys wrong… I say they aren’t… So the next time someone gives you a strange look for blowing bubbles with a straw, or sighs when you walk by them gleefully stretching out a slinky, just ignore them… have sympathy that they’re not having as much fun with life as you are. Who says you ever have to put away your action figures. Who says you have to stop playing “tag”…oh, and can someone, ANYONE, please tell my why they don’t make “Big Wheels” in adult sizes… cuz that would be just about the coolest thing ever…