List #5

10 problems with proverbs


1. "Blood is thicker than water"
Oooooo......k... and a milkshake is thicker than a martini... and a volleyball is thicker than oatmeal... is there a point here?

2. "You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs"
So what is this one implying? I can’t have breakfast unless I’m willing to attack a few unfertilized chicken fetuses?

3. "Don't cut off your nose to spite your face"
No clue here. But self mutilation as a learning tool just never sits well with me.

4. "Never look a gift horse in the mouth"
Well I’m certainly not going to get all that close to the OTHER end.

5. "Don’t count your chickens before they hatch"
This one’s just dark man... what sullen, morose mother came up with this sunny outlook on life and poultry?

6. "Strike while the iron is hot"
I don’t get it. What on earth due work-stoppage forced labor negotiations have to do with eliminating unsightly wrinkles from unpressed fabric?

7. "You can’t tell a book by it’s cover"
Um... yes you can. If it looks like a book, and it has a cover, odds are... it’s a book!

8. "The early bird gets the worm"
But what about the hard-partying bird that just stays up all night and never goes to bed? By this philosophy, isn’t he likely to be equally rewarded for acting irresponsibly? What kind example does that set for the children of the world? Or for Danny Bonaduce?

9. "Variety is the spice of life"
Personally, I like basil.

10. "Don’t put all your eggs in one basket"
Another chicken reference? Ok, that’s it. I think someone’s contemplating poultry just a little bit more than is truly healthy...