So… this morning I was out running an errand (ah, the freedom of unemployment), and I saw something that made me question the intelligence of an average member of the human race.
I had just pulled up to a traffic light when I started to hear a thumping. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. I had a pretty good idea what was emitting these sonic vibrations, but I can honesty say that I didn’t realize the extent of its absurdity until I had actually laid eyes on it. When the broken-down 1980’s era honda civic with duct tape (no lie) holding the wheel wells together pulled up along side me (IT naturally, was the source of the thumping), it was all I could do not to dip my head in shame for the course of humanity. Here we had some poor unfortunate middle-aged fellow sitting behind the wheel, groovin’ to the best of his ability, who was completely oblivious to the fact that you couldn’t actually “hear” any music… that it was really just a series of blips and blumps, like morse code for the rhythmically insane… And actually, “groovin’” is probably the wrong word… it was more of an angry, contorted, gesturing that kinda looked like he had stuffed a sleeping marmot down his pants, not realizing that eventually it would wake up.
To make matters worse, he obviously thought he was quite the thug. Now what the average 40-something white male can learn from the teachings of 50-cent I’m not about to judge, but I’m pretty sure Mr. Cent would confirm my deduction that there was a high degree of probably this man was in fact most definitely NOT a thug. He was however, progressively removing various parts of rust (and frame) from his car by subjecting it to the repeated audible throngs of inner-city life.
Now, before you think I’m just being cranky or dismissive of something I don’t understand, hear me out. I fully support the use of ridiculously loud car stereos. Having filled the majority of my trunk with boxes, amps, speakers, and wires myself, trust me… I get it. And I’m also not trying to say that the music selection was the mistake. Believe me, I’d be mocking this man just as much if he were blaring Whitesnake, Justin Timberlake, or Andrea Bocelli (though In that case I probably would have made allusions to an animal other than the marmot… no real reason… I just think the marmot works better as a symbol of the struggle for survival within the confines of the urban concrete jungle than say… an otter). No, I’m all for loud obnoxious music… but there are a few simple guidelines you should follow:
1. First, your stereo probably shouldn’t be worth MORE than your car.
2. Second, you DO need to have speakers other than subwoofers… even if you don’t turn them up very loud.
3. Third, if using your stereo is actively doing damage to your car, then you might want to rethink your priorities… buy “bondo” this week,… next week you can pick up that hot bass booster you saw at best buy.
4. Fourth, you don’t need rims that “spin.” honestly… I know this has nothing to do with the stereo, but really dude… your rims shouldn’t be worth more than your car either.
5. Finally, if you’re over the age of 40… and white… don’t try to groove to rap music… you can like it… you can really like it… but don’t try to act like the artist knows where YOU’RE coming from. Because odds are, you wouldn’t even DRIVE through where he’s from.
Hey, I’m not trying to say that I’m even the slightest bit better than anyone else here (odds are that guy at least has a job!), but please… take a moment to think before you act. It’s all I’m asking… just common sense and dignity. Thanks, I appreciate it.
Oh… and one more thing: spoilers and ground effects? very cool… but not on your mom's escort.
No comments:
Post a Comment