An epihany of stupid...

I’m dumb.

Ok, technically this isn’t true... in fact, through standardized testing one would probably even conclude that I’m a bit smarter than the average bear (lack of coordination, geological bearings or Hanna Barbera references not withstanding), but nonetheless... today I discovered that I am dumb.

But that’s ok, because so are you.

Now don’t get all riled up... I’m not trying to pick a fight here, or start some “Hatfield-McCoy” like feud that would most likely endure long beyond the point when either one of us could remember why it began (and make no bones about it, we WOULD forget… after all, we’re dumb)...

I’m just stating a fact.

Maybe I should clarify my point a bit... if you can’t remember where you put your keys, or multiply 3 digit numbers in your head, or recite the presidents’ names in alphabetical order while rubbing your belly and patting your head... that shouldn’t make you feel dumb. But take a quick look around the net, and you’re bound to find a lot of things that will...

Take the following headline for example:

“New Sources of High-Energy Gamma Rays Discovered at Milky Way's Center”

I found this at the website for Scientific American magazine... now it’s simple enough in nature that I can make out the basics of what it’s trying to say (as I’m sure you can as well)... but be honest, when you first looked at it, did you really think that the ramifications of this discovery could be the exciting possibility of a new class of 'dark' particle accelerators in the Galaxy?

...or did you think about angry green superheroes and candy bars?

I thought so...

and actually, if you were anything like me, you thought about both of these things...

First, my mind drifted to the Hulk (perhaps Bruce Banner had actually found a way to reverse the results of his experiments, and find peace within himself)... Then, I wondered if this meant that I could now indulge my childhood fantasies, and actually BECOME the Hulk simply by eating a confectionary combination of milk chocolate, corn syrup, sugar, soybean oil, milkfat, cocoa powder, malted barley, wheat flour, salt, egg whites, and artificial flavor (giving whole new meaning to the term “nougat*”).

Now there’s nothing wrong with admitting that your mind doesn’t always function at a level in keeping with Einstein, Hawking, or Hasslefhoff... but it sure is humbling to think there are people out there who read that headline and immediately thought of High Energy Stereoscopic Systems – instead of Lou Ferrigno.

Great you say, so this may prove that YOU aren’t matched intellectually with the great thinkers of the world, but how is this supposed to be any indication of how intelligent I am? “I” of course, meaning “you” the reader, not “You” meaning “me” the writer...

That is an excellent point... one that my puny little brain can’t quite compete with other than to say that if you WERE really all that smart... if your mental capacity WAS in fact exceeding the parameters of the mundane... if your cerebellum WAS in fact in league with the masters...

Well...

...then you probably wouldn’t be reading this.




*By the way, in case you’re wondering... “nougat” is actually made by whipping egg whites until they are light and frothy. Sugar syrup is added, stabilizing the foam and creating "frappe". A number of other flavoring ingredients are then added to the frappe – each ingredient creating a nougat with a different taste. These nougats are then ready for use in the manufacture of specific brands as the filling in the bars.