Math in the hood...

I have come to the conclusion that the development of new urban slang really owes much of its origination to mathematics, or more specifically, to the transitive property of equality…

Stay with me here…

If you close your eyes and concentrate, and focus on the days of yore you spent whiling away the hours in a junior high math classroom (and try desperately to block out the humiliation and disgrace that seeing what you looked like, dressed like, and acted like no doubt drums up), you should be able to remember that basically, the transitive property states the following:

If a=b, and b=c, then a=c.

It’s a simple set of rules, but for some reason, it's one that I’ve been able to derive a great amount of enterainment from over the years (and by now this should come as no surprise to you).

So what does this have to do with urban slang you ask? Well nothing really… but for the purposes of this column I’m gong to try to draw some form of loose conclusions as to why there might actually be some sort of connection between the two… in reality, if you asked the author of the latest “krunk” term to explain to you the meaning of the transitive property, he or she would most likely cock their head to one side, contort their face into a shape that resembled a grape that’s been out in the sun too long (i.e. a raisin), and stare at you with a glazed-over “why’s he talking bout old fashioned radios?” look…

Or, maybe not… maybe that’s just me generalizing about people that I don’t understand. Maybe in truth, the person in question would be more apt to start quoting Stephen Hawking’s principles on Quantum Physics, discussing how they are ignorant in their absence of incorporating the finer points of Nihilist philosophy, and how in fact, if one considered the greater evidence at hand, they would discover that the transitive property doesn’t even exist… that blue is red, dogs are in fact cats, and Emu Phillips is the only who REALLY understands the nature of the universe…

Yes, it is indeed possible that all this would happen (provided that this person was equally versed in both the greater sciences and obscure stand-up comedians from the 80s)… but somehow I doubt it…

Whatever the case, all this is beside the point (even as loosely as I’m abusing that term here)… I’m here to apply the transitive property of equality to urban slang… or actually, to the development of new slang.

Basically, the way it works is, you take a conventional known term, and determine what an existing slang phrase for that term is. Then, you come up with a synonym for the already accepted slang that has absolutely nothing to do with the original term, thereby creating an entirely new slang term via the transitive property.

Got it?

Ok, let me try to explain this another way… When we think of money, we often refer to it as “dough” (i.e. “I need to earn some more dough”). The word “dough” is already a universally accepted term to substitute for the word “money.” If we now find a new word or phrase we can substitute for dough (preferably with some brand affiliation), we will have a hip new urban slang term for money… like say “Pop n’ Fresh.”

Now you get it?

You see, if money=dough, and dough=pop n’ fresh, then money=pop n’ fresh

“Pop n’ fresh” is a kind of dough… but in the common vernacular, it has no association with the word “money.” Therefore, “Pop N’ Fresh” is now slang, for money. (i.e. “I gots ta get me some mo’ pop n’ fresh yo!”) Other accepted slang terms for money could include “yeast filler”, “whole grain”, or my personal favorite, “Pillsbury”.

And by this same philosophy we could also refer to a large quantity of money as “a herd of whitetails” (if money=bucks, and bucks=whitetail deer, then money=whitetail deer).

It’s fun with the transitive property!

Now that you know the secret to the progression of slang, you too can join in the fun… in no time at all you’ll be “hangin’ at your crib”, “kickin’ it with some peeps,” and saying interesting things like:


“Why’d you yarn my spare change, gee? I was money marketing those fo’ a post dangle nibble-fiesta!”


(Translation: Why did you consume my peanuts, sir? I was saving them so I would have a snack to eat once I had returned from the basketball game.)


Fun, isn't it!



Next week’s lesson: inflationary language and correct/incorrect use of the “fo’shizzle” modifier.