Starting the year off right...

So here we are… the beginning of a new year… apparently, that means it’s time for resolutions. So ok, here goes:

First off, I need to get back to writing in my blog…
I guess I could blame it on the holidays… guess I could blame it on my ongoing search for gainful unemployment… hell, I could probably blame it on the alignment of the planets if I wanted to (Jupiter is after all in the last quadrant of the aquarian sunshine flower and with venus rising that can only lead to procrastination… or midgets with acne… it’s pretty much one or the other)… but the truth is really just that I’ve been lazy… I haven’t been motivated enough to park my turkey and cranberry-fed keister behind the keyboard for long enough to build some sort of thread (even if it is in my own stream of consciousness sort of way)… but now, with Dave Barry taking a prolonged sabbatical, someone has to step up and fill the void… and until they do, I’ll be glad to fill the void before the void… the interim void if you will.

Second, find a friggin’ job!
Yes, I could probably have a job right now if I tried harder… I get countless emails availing me of professional opportunities in such careers as modeling, financial planning, and amateur porn, but seeing as none of the people offering these esteemed positions has ever seen me model, financial plan, or ...um… do that other thing, I can only guess that when they became fully aware of my qualifications (or um, rather… my lack thereof) they’d be less inclined to want to pay me for my, uh… services. In any event, I need to get on the ball and get the checks flowing once again. For while sitting on your butt all day and picking up unemployment once a week may SEEM like a dream come true, it’s really not all it’s cracked up to be.

Third, watch more movies…
I know, it doesn’t sound like much of a resolution, but I’m quickly amassing a graveyard of dvds that exist solely in plastic… apparently never to be watched. It’s a problem really. I go in a wal-mart or a best buy or a comp usa, and I see a DVD for 5.99, and something just compels me to buy it… It’s too cheap to resist… Consequently, I now have more than a couple shelves in my DVD rack that are populated by movies of this nature… some are movies I’ve never seen, but knew I would want to rent, others are movies I have seen, but never owned on DVD, and still others are cinematic gems that I can’t really explain other than to say I bought them out of shear empathy for the stars involved (I’m sure “stealing Harvard” is most likely terrible, but I just couldn’t bear to see Jason Lee floundering in the bargain bin with the finest works of Ernest and Jean-Claude Van Damme).

And finally, do all that self improvement crap…
Yeah, I suppose I’d be better off if I lost a few pounds… It probably wouldn’t kill me to exercise some more… It might even do me some good to build some more space into my relationship with cheese… but where’s the fun in that? Plus, when you really think about it… are those really the type of resolutions you’re actually likely to keep? I mean, of course, ’m planning on making every effort to slim down, and I’ll try very hard to get buffed up, but I’m tellin’ you now… I’m probably more likely to find myself this February on a deserted island with the Coors Lite twins than I am to be eschewing carbs, fat and sugar in deference to prolonged physical activity… and this of course leads me to my final new year’s resolution… being more honest with myself.