A life of embrassments #1

Have you ever been put in the unenviable position of having to take credit for someone else’s smell?

It’s just not fair…

Now I’ll be the first to admit that when I emerge from a room of rest, I don’t always leave the aforementioned water closet smelling of a dozen petunias on a spring day, but still, you never should have to be saddled with the odor output of another.

But it happens.

You know the scenario. You walk into a facility of personal waste management to do your business. Maybe you had too many sodas. Maybe you drank your water a little too quickly on the ride in to work. Either way, you’re really just looking to get in and get out… to vacate a bit of H2O from your system before venturing out into the real world and starting your day.

But then, as you open the door, you’re immediately greeted by… the smell. That unmistakable sign that someone has been having… shall we say… a “rough morning”.

Well whatever you think… the bladder waits for no man, so you mentally plug your nose and do your best to complete your transaction in as little time as possible. You then do a quick scrub of the hands and start to make your way for the door…

And that’s when it happens…

Someone else comes in.

You try to avoid eye contact, but it’s too late. You know already that any and all of the horrors of humanity and culinary punishment that combined to produce “the smell” have now been attributed to you and your intestines.

After all, look at the facts. Person B is walking in… you’re walking out… basic logic dictates that whatever shape that room is in, it’s most like YOU who has left it that way. And once they catch “the whiff”well… then it’s just game over. There’s no doubt in the universe that Person B has just tagged you as being one seriously smelly dude…

And that’s just not fair.

Today's headlines #6

Seniors rush to beat Medicare cutoff
Let’s be honest… do seniors really “rush” to do anything?


Rising Diabetes Threat Meets a Falling Budget
And an onslaught of “Ho Hos”


New England Deluged by Worst Flooding in Decades
Local leaders speak up for those hardest hit, saying “Yankees suck”


Supreme Court rules in favor of eBay
And against good taste


Bush Denies Eavesdropping on U.S. Phone Calls
Well sure… first you’d have to understand how to use a phone.


Hawaiian waters dangerous for whales
Sea-faring mammals warned to be on the lookout for “tiny bubbles”


Alligators kill two more in Florida over weekend
See? I told you seniors couldn’t “rush”